Category Archives: Religious Jokes
A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel.
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In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, “Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me?
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A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. ’’Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.’’
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The preacher’s Sunday sermon was ‘Forgive Your Enemies. ‘ He asked, how many have forgiven their enemies?
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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem.
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A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too.
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Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a
woman who was not happy to see them.
She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces.
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In the middle of a forest, a hunter was suddenly confronted by a huge,
hungry bear. The hunter, frightened, tried to shoot the bear multiple times.
Finally he turned and ran as fast as he could.
He ran and ran and eventually wound up at the edge of a very steep
cliff.
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A preacher goes into a bar and says “Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.”
Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”
The drunk says “When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now.”
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Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who asked, “What do you think you are doing? You are driving like a maniac! Are you not worried at all about crashing!?”
The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son….Jesus is with us.”
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Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. “What’s going on here!?” he asked.
“This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her to death!” a person from the crowd responded.
“Wait!” yelled Jesus. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
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Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day.
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to [...]
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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.
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A burglar broke into a home and was looking to steal some valuables. Startled, he heard a soft voice say, “Jesus is watching you”. Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said “Jesus is watching you”. He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.
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A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes it is.”
Boy- [...]
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The Pope arrives at JFK and he’s met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, “Pope.”
After getting all the Pope’s luggage loaded in the limo-and His Holiness doesn’t travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the [...]
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A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, “The End is Near! Turn around before it’s too late!”
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
“Leave us alone you crazy religious freaks!!” yelled the first driver as he flew [...]
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A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the
sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read
Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister
asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
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The girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“What is it, child?”
“Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.”
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl and said, [...]
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A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, I’d rather be [...]
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