Category Archives: Marriage Jokes

A man comes home from work, sits down in his recliner, turns on the TV, and says to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts. Confused, she walks in to the kitchen and grabs him a beer anyway. The guy quickly downs the beer and says, “Quick, bring me another beer before is [...]

A woman tells her husband she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, “You don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.” The lady asks, “How do I do it without surgery?” “Just rub toilet paper between them.”

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won’t eat it if they know what it is – so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, “What’s for [...]

The computer company, where my wife works, distributed a corporate-clothing catalogue that included a pair of cuff links. One was inscribed Ctrl (Control) and the other Esc (Escape), just as they look on a computer keyboard. “They would make a good present for any man,” my wife commented to a colleague, “if only to remind him [...]

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. [...]

A little girl was having a a hard time understanding the concept of marriage. Her mother got out her wedding album, thinking visual images would help.  Her mother explained the entire service of marriage to her.

A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door. In walks her husband’s friend Jack. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Jack [...]

A rich guy and a poor guy are discussing what they bought their wives for their Anniversaries. The poor guy says, “So, what did you get your wife for your Anniversary?” “I bought her a fur coat and a BMW,” he says. “Wow,” says the poor guy. “Why did you buy her that?” “Because,” the rich guy says, [...]