What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
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Category Archives: Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall? Continue reading
There were three pigs.
The first pig went to a bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left. Continue reading
A guy goes to his doctor because he’s been having problems remembering things. After a battery of tests the doctor says, “Unfortunately, I have bad news, and I have very bad news.” Continue reading
A man is sitting on the toilet in a public bathroom when the guy in the stall next to him says, “Hey man, how’s it going?”
“Um, fine,” answers the man.
“What are you up to?” asks the other guy.
“I’m traveling,” the first guy says hesitantly. Continue reading
Q: What goes, “[click] Is that it?” [click] Is that it? [click] Is that it?”
A: A blind guy with a Rubik’s Cube.
Q: What’s the German word for constipation?
A: Farfrumpoopin.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: Because it felt crummy.
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
“How did you end up with the peg leg?” he asks. The pirate replies, “I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” says the seaman. “What about your hook?” Continue reading
Q: What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. Continue reading
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building.
The first man said ” I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!”
The second man says “Ok, sure.” and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Continue reading
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress.
How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.
“That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” Continue reading
Last winter, while sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.
The guy could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to his boat for hours.
Spotting a bystander standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?!”
“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” Continue reading
Every year, a man named George and his wife Martha went to the state fair. Every year, he would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” Continue reading
During one “generation gap” quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, “I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women.
I’ll never find it here at home, so I’m leaving. Don’t try and stop me!”
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. Continue reading
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line. Continue reading
Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. Continue reading
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. “Sir,” the cop says. “Why do you have all those knives?”
“They’re for my juggling act,” the man says. Continue reading